


Traitor

by Negateaux



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 13:13:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21494860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Negateaux/pseuds/Negateaux
Summary: Finn, finding himself contributing less and less to the Resistance each day, finds solace in the person that matters the most to him.
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn/Rey (Star Wars)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24
Collections: Finnrey Fanfic Connection





	Traitor

The biting cold of the ice planet cuts through the room like a vibroknife as Finn exits the Resistance base. “Don’t get lost out there!” Finn hears Connix yell from behind right before the door shuts behind him. He shoves his gloved hands into the pockets of his jacket as he takes a few labored steps into the snow. It’s no Hoth, as Leia would say. Just a mostly dead world with a constant foot of snow on the ground.

Finn doesn’t have a destination, he just needs to get outside the cramped hallways of the base. He’s been uneasy ever since they landed here. He looks up into the infinite abyss above the planet. A few stars still visible despite the encroaching sunlight he can see on the horizon. The Resistance should be out there. Should be fighting the First Order right now instead of hiding like they were doing now. His hands clench into fists in his jacket pockets just thinking about them.

Immediately he feels guilty. He knows exactly why the Resistance was in hiding. They had just started to gather allies. The Resistance was getting stronger every day. They had even managed to get the Mon Calamari to join them a few days ago. That was a major push. Or at least Leia was able to. What had Finn done? He hadn’t even managed to get the weapons he and Poe had been looking for. At least not all of them. _ Not enough. _

He notices it more and more as time goes on just how little he actually has been contributing to the Resistance as of late. The goal since Crait has always been to get more allies, get a place to hide and get equipment for the fight. Yet no matter how many missions he went on, it was never him that actually got them. Leia has something in her that inspires people to follow her. Whether that’s because of the Force or because she’s a veteran or because she was a princess, Finn couldn’t be sure but he could tell she was a natural leader. Poe has been stepping up more and more to be a leader as well. He knows how to get people to listen, even if they hated him for his mistake. Rose wasn’t a leader but she was smart. She knew how to build. A skill the Resistance needed. And then, there’s Rey.

_ Rey… _

Rey has the force. She’s strong, she can do anything. He’s known that since they first met. He knows she will be instrumental to stopping Kylo Ren and the First Order. So that just left him. A man who abandoned the only thing he ever knew to save someone. A fool who believed himself a hero. A stormtrooper who had only seen live combat twice.

A traitor.

He hadn’t known the word when it had first been shouted to him on Takodana but he understood the connotation. _ You abandoned us! _That’s what he thinks that stormtrooper had really meant when it was said. No. Not just a stormtrooper. It was Nines, Finn could tell even through that helmet. He hadn’t let himself get distracted back then. A good soldier knows how to take the emotion out in battle. Still, he did battle against the closest thing he had to a friend before Rey. And after being unable to beat him, he was shot by Chewie and Solo. Dead before even hitting the ground. Two members of his old FN corp, dead just like that. Slip on Jakku, Nines on Takodana. Zeros could be just as easily gone too and he supposed FN-2187 had died a long time ago. 

Finn enters a clearing after walking for a few minutes. It looked no different from any other patch of ice on this rock known as Echo-5. A few blocks of ice stand taller than the other and Finn decides this is as good a place as any to get some practice in. He unslings the rifle on his back and takes aim. The cold creeps along his skin but his aim remains true. He thinks of a spot and pulls the trigger. The tiny blue beam flies and hits exactly where he wanted. Leaving a tiny scorch on the ice. He looks around and sees a few other targetable blocks and quickly reverts to an old training method. One he’d done hundreds of times during training. 

He picks his targets. The top of an ice block, the middle of another, the left and right of one far away and then another much closer. He fires at the first and before even waiting to see if it hit moves onto the next. He pulls the trigger three more times, moving back, forth and completely around to land his shots. On the last target, he drops the rifle, allowing the rope around his shoulder to catch the weapon as it falls. He ducks into a roll and grabs the blaster on his hip. As soon as he’s upright, he blasts the last target. He doesn’t need to check if he hit all of his intended target. He already knows he has. 

It had always been this way for him. It’s probably why they put him in charge of his squad in the first place. Amongst his peers, Finn had always excelled far beyond them. Every simulation had been a success. He hadn’t been able to shake that off even amongst the Resistance. During the slower days, he’d fall back into his old patterns. The one thing he knew how to do was train and he would do it for hours on end. Even going so far as to challenge the other Resistance members in shooting contests and hand-to-hand fighting. To him it was a de-stresser, to them it was a harsh reminder of how outmatched the Resistance was against the First Order. Only Poe offered him a real challenge unless he fought one of the bigger aliens. And even then, it was just close. The sun climbed higher into the sky but Finn paid it no mind. His mental routine had already taken over. 

* * *

A spike of cold hits the back of his neck, breaking him out of his focus. He stops mid punch through the air, the exertion hitting him harder than the cold outside. He looks up once again, breath coming in slowly as was his training. It was subtle, as if the world had gone quiet but he could see it. Snow. It fell slowly landing softly on the icy planet. Finn extends his hand to catch a snowflake. It connects without a sound or even a feeling. _ Bu-bum _ . His heartbeat spikes for just a moment. _ Bu-bum. _ He swallows, throat suddenly dry. Dryer than when he wandered through the Jakku desert. _ Bu-bum. _ His breathing comes harder and harder. _ When did it get so hard to breath? _

His heart seems to smash against his ribs causing him to place a hand on his chest. No matter how big a breath he takes in, his lungs won’t fill with air. 

Then he hears it.

Footsteps approaching quickly from behind. Someone is shouting but he can’t make out the words. He can’t turn around, his body won’t let him but he knows it’s him. It’s Kylo Ren. Finn’s knees go weak, he struggles to stand. The footsteps stop and are replaced by the distinct crackling of that red lightsaber. The scar on his back and shoulder begin to throb. 

There’s no way out. He can’t move, frozen by fear. No lightsaber to pick up in a desperate plea to save his own skin. No… not his skin. He picked it up to save her. To save Rey. And he’d do it again. Just as she would do for him. He clenches his teeth. He knows he can’t beat Kylo Ren, even if he had the saber. But he’d make him work for it. He musters his courage, all that’s left of it and prepares to turn around.

A hand seizes him by the shoulder and he turns, ready to face what comes next. 

What he sees immediately fills him with relief. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

Rey.

Finn sighs in relief, his heart still going a mile a minute. He doesn’t answer her, he’s too focused on the area around him. Unable to process what just happened. “Hey!” Rey forces herself into his vision. “Finn, what are you doing?” The question twinges with the slightest hint of concern.

“I’m…” He struggles to find the right words. “I’m just trying to clear my head.” Rey looks around. 

“Out here? In this?” She motions around her. Finn smiles.

“It’s not so bad. It was colder on Starkiller base. Plus it’s quiet out here.” Rey hugs herself while shaking her head violently, causing the staff on her back to sway. 

“Don’t remind me. That was the coldest I’d ever been!”

“What are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn’t you be sleeping? We can’t have our resident Jedi not getting a good nights sleep.” Rey scowls at him. 

“I should be asking you the same thing. I came out here to find you. Connix told me you’ve been coming out here every morning with those weapons.” Finn nods. Makes sense that Connix would tell somebody but he never imagined it would be Rey. Doesn’t she have enough to worry about? He wants to brush her off, play it cool. He’d gotten used to having to suppress his fears, suppress his _ everything _ back in the First Order. Ever since he met Rey though, he can’t seem to hide anything from her. Or, more accurately, he doesn’t _ want _ to hide anything from her.

“I haven’t been sleeping. Nightmares mostly. Something about this place just gets me on edge, I guess. So I come out here, morning after morning and practice.” He motions to the guns on his person. “Might as well be good for something, right?” The words just fell out. He didn’t really mean to put himself down so much but the fighting was getting to him.

Rey doesn’t respond. She just tightens her brow intently and stares him in the eyes. Finn looks between her eyes rapidly, trying to figure out what she’s doing. After a few seconds, Finn is about to call out to her but then her eyes widen.

“I see,” She says plainly.

“You see what?”

“It’s Kylo Ren isn’t it?” Finn’s mouth goes dry again.

“How could you tell?”

“Just a guess really. This place,” She motions to the area. “Does feel like back when we faced him before.” Rey looks up in the sky for just a second before looking back at Finn with one eye closed and her tongue out. “And maybe the Force told me a little bit.” Finn laughs.

“Oh, so that’s why you stood there staring at me like you were trying to burrow a hole into my skull.”

“Yes,” She shakes her head. “No matter how much I practice, it seems like the Force only comes to me when I need it. But never really when I want it. I just can’t figure it out.”

“Don’t worry about it so much, Rey. I know you got this. You and the others, you guys are going to win us this war. Never doubt yourself. Because I never doubt you.” Finn would have thought Rey would smile or laugh or do anything that would imply she was happy to hear what he said. Instead she just frowned. “What?” Was all Finn could say.

“You did it again.”

“Did what again?”

“Don’t play stupid with me, Finn. Maybe you can do it with the others but not with me.”

“I really don’t know what you mean.” Rey sighs and straightens herself up to look Finn in the eyes.

“I’ve noticed it a few times now. It’s not often but I always see it. The way that you keep putting your value to the Resistance down. You talk about yourself like you’re not important to this group, like you don’t bring anything to the table.”

“Rey I-” 

“Don’t bother denying it,” Rey cuts him off before he can stammer out an excuse. “I’ve seen it more than once. You’ve done it twice since I got here!” Finn’s heart sinks. She was right of course but he felt like he’s been doing a good job of hiding it thus far. Either he was way more obvious than he thought, Rey was more observant than he thought, or the Force was helping her see clearer than she believed.

“You’re right, Rey. I’ve been missing something since we left Crait. I thought once we started to gather allies it would change but the more we get, the worse I feel. And this kriffing planet isn’t doing me any favors!” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “From the day we met I wanted to believe that I was a hero. That I was someone who was meant to do something great. I left the First Order because when I realized they were evil I knew I couldn’t be part of that. So I ran. 

“Then we got on the _ Falcon _ and it was perfect. Me and you and Solo and Chewie. I got to see the galaxy as it really was and despite everything we went through, I was happy. On Takodana, Maz gave me a lightsaber. The _ Skywalker _lightsaber. Me, a stormtrooper holding the weapon of the jedi. Little did I know that I was just a delivery man for the real hero. For you.” Finn stares her down intently and takes a few more deep breaths. She says nothing. Perhaps sensing that he had more to say. So he continued.

“When Ren threw you against that tree I decided in that moment that I would pick up that weapon and I would do what needed to be done. I was so afraid, my hands were shaking, my brain kept telling me that I didn’t have the force, that I was going to get myself killed. Even still, I did it because I had to protect you. And even given what happened,” Finn touches his shoulder and the scar on his back throbs. “I would make the same choice a thousand times over. I tell you all this because I wanted to show you how different it is now. Now, I’m just backup.” Finn stops again. He hopes he made some sense to her, it really was a dumping of all his feelings at once. He feels guilty, he really shouldn’t be putting this all on her. 

“I don’t get it.” Rey says in almost a whisper. “What about helping Poe with the-”

“That’s exactly it, Rey! Helping Poe is all I ever do anymore. Poe is my friend. I respect him a hell of a lot. He’s seen friends die, family die, and he keeps fighting. Fighting in spite of all he’s lost. He’s the one Leia is trusting to lead the Resistance if something happens to her. Rose is the one who is building the equipment that’ll help us against the First Order. And you…” The words get caught in his throat. 

Finn places his hands on Rey’s shoulders. She shudders in surprise. “If you take anything from this conversation, Rey, it’s that I’m fine. I accepted a long time ago my role in all this and I will do whatever I have to in order to beat the First Order. That’s all I care about.” He removes his hands and turns away from her. “Thanks for listening, Rey. Let’s go back inside, alright?” He doesn’t wait for a response. Just begins walking back towards the Resistance base. He takes only a few steps before something hits him. It’s like being pushed by a really large mass he didn’t see coming. It slams into his back, causing him to fly forward and land face first in the snow.

The cold coats his face as he tries to process what just happened. He turns over, and shakes his head. “What just...Rey!” Quickly, much quicker than he expected, the girl stands over him. Fury in her eyes and staff in hand. She raised her weapon and shoved the end of it straight into Finn’s stomach. It wasn’t hard but it was firm enough that he could tell she meant business. “Rey, what are you-”

“Stop.” She said firmly with a finger to her lips. “It’s my turn.” Finn cocked his head but was sure to be quiet. “I’m having a hard time believing that you’re the same person who I met on Jakku that day. Because that Finn was confident and brave. Someone who was willing to risk everything to save BeeBee-Ate. To save _ me. _ That Finn turned away from a place that brainwashed and kidnapped him as a child because he knew when to do the right thing. That Finn took up a lightsaber and faced Kylo Ren without the power of the force even though he knew it could easily have gotten him killed. That Finn,” She stuck the staff further into his gut causing him to wince. “Told me that he believed in me. So if any of that Finn is left inside that head of yours, this message is for him.” She removes the point of the staff from his stomach and extends her hand. 

“No matter how much or how little you do. No matter if the others contribute ten times more to the fight than you. No matter if no one in the galaxy ever acknowledges what you’ve done ever again. You’ll _ always _ be _ my _ hero.” Finn looks at Rey’s hand before grasping it. He remembers back on Jakku when he’d held her hand twice. She’d been less than pleased both times but on the third time, it was her that offered her hand. And just like back then, he was more than willing to take it.

He clasps her hand as she pulls him back up, a smile plastered across his face. They linger there, for just a moment, hands together like back on Jakku. She gives him a nod, one that he returns. She was right. Maybe he was just a traitorous stormtrooper. Maybe he wasn’t a hero. Maybe he wasn’t the flame that would burn the First Order down. But he would make sure to carry that spark for as long as he needed to because now, for the first time since leaving Crait, Finn had something to fight for.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, there. Thanks for making it this far. This was a sort-of sequel to Home, my other FinnRey fic but can totally be read as it's own thing. Something I should note for reference is the scene of Finn having the panic attack is heavily inspired by a short comic by @thisisatitle on tumblr. They make some awesome FinnRey stuff if you want to check them out. After reading Resistance Reborn, that Road to Skywalker novel, I have serious doubts that FinnRey will be canon so this may be the last thing I do here that shows it. I'm just not the type to promote something that probably won't happen. Unless there's a demand. Who knows? Certainly not me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. And if anyone wonders why I spelled BB-8 like I did, it's because that's how they spell it out in the official media.


End file.
